It's Nice talking

It could be exhausting, isn't it? To be the one who gives more, to be someone who puts more effort. No matter how much you convince yourself that it is fine because you are doing it out of love, it will come to a point when you would feel as though all of what you have done were for nothing. When you are stuck in that constant cycle, it will drain you. You will end up thinking that the world is really just full of bull. I was warned though. "You have to learn how to be alone." I thought that was too harsh for a young girl to hear that time. But now, it seems to be the realest advice I could use as an adult. I once read that giving will let you receive more and that it is the best feeling in the world. IT IS. But when giving means people taking you for granted, maybe it is time you reconsider that you are probably giving out way too much, there's nothing left for yourself. So, to you who gives more than you get, slow down. May the universe let you meet that per...

“I’ve lost my faith in this broken system,” what a powerful line. I am sure you clicked on this because you were intrigued. I can already hear whispers as I write this. It is from a song by ONE OK ROCK called “Renegades.” Go ahead and listen to it. "But if we cry, is there anyone listening?" Let me know. “For all of the lies and the burden they put on us and all of that times they told us to, just because” Go listen. "We got a fight for our rights and the things that we love now." From this slave of a broken system, hello, please check out ONE OK ROCK. An incredible band. Taka's voice, wow. And before I face the fire again, here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n5bpeh5NNg

- Your Melrae Shanice ♥ THE SURFACE. That's what people often see. In this world where anyone can easily assume how others feel or think, I've always believed that only those who truly care will ever try to go beyond the surface. And even if I hold on to the slightest hope that someone actually cares, it ends up being another disappointment. But I'm not surprised. It's probably true, a part of me died with you. Days leading to the 20th, I could just sit myself and relive all the final moments I had with you. It puts me in a mood that I couldn't explain. People would say that you're happy and at peace wherever you are. But then again, I'm a selfish person. How about me? The one left behind? Lately, I feel like I've been punishing myself by seeing only my flaws and by thinking that I do not deserve to be happy. Without you here, happiness is a luxury that I couldn't afford. Because if I get too happy, the price might just be too diffi...

- Your Melrae Shanice ♥ Early morning of March 20, 2021, I got a call that changed my life forever. “Anak, kailangan mo na umuwi. Wala na si Mama,” my mother said over the phone. My grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep that day. For a good second, I was speechless. At the back of my mind, I was still trying to figure out if it was a dream. The only thing I was able to utter was, "Mommy, ayaw ko. Ayaw ko. Ayaw ko." I didn't want that day to happen. But it came. I didn't want to come home, only to see my dearest Mama gone. Imagine the horror of waking up one day and the first thing you hear is the news of a loved one passing away. An overwhelming pain filled my heart. I felt my body turn numb and I just cried my eyes out. I wished it wasn’t real. Just like everyone else, I wished it was just a bad dream. A few years back, I shared about the changes I had to face when Mama Onsay suffered stroke. This time, I am writing this because my life trul...

This Eulogy was written by Mommy Wanda's daughter-in-law, Mrs. Baby Hideliza Castillo.  - - - How Do I Remember You? (A Eulogy to Mommy Wanda) It was year 2003 when I first met you as the mother of my former boyfriend and now my better half, Redel De Vera Castillo. Your sweet smile and warm greetings gave me an extraordinary hope that you would be my in-law someday and eventually it came true. I became an official part of your family in 2006 and I had the greatest chance to know you better. For more than 15 years, I have experienced the best versions of you. A good friend, this is who you are to everyone. I have seen how you give your time to help a friend, comfort them when they needed someone to uplift their spirits and always extending your support without any hesitation. A concerned wife, this is who you are to Daddy Lum. You may not have shown him your sincerest agitation but in your heart, you are thankful that he is the father of your children. The gratitude tha...

To the love of my life, It's the start of another year and my heart is so grateful that I am still with you. Things have changed, that is undeniable. But what more could I ask for? This is what I have been constantly praying for — To be with you. More time with you. For the new year, I am thanking God that I get to spend my holidays with you. I only have a few days left before my life in that noisy city continues and I chose to spend it with you . Our set up is difficult. Real difficult. I feel as though I am a stranger in my own home. It feels different. Where's that place I've grown up in? Where's that place where we made so many memories together? I don't know where to stand, where to fit in. I don't know what happened. This is just different, so different. I can't help but feel sorry. I am sorry we had to go through this. I am sorry that it seems like it is unresolvable. I am sorry it turned out like this. I miss you. I miss everythi...

You know... I have become a cynic. I don't believe that love is all or nothing anymore. I used to believe that it was. But my heart has been broken once and I don't want to go through that hell again. Love is not all or nothing for me. Because love, love is never selfish. I've always wished for the kind of love that will always spare something for oneself. Love that will spare a little for one's own happiness. The love that will not demand for too much and the love that will make you feel at ease. Love is not supposed to stress you out constantly. It will worry you,  yes, but it will never make you question your worth. Now, tell me. What kind of love do you want? I used to love fairytales. So much that I get a little too shallow at times. I just don't know why but I stopped believing in it now. I have turned into a realist and it sucks because sometimes it just becomes a blurry line between being realism and cynicism. I hope you realize that I was only trying...