Creeping Jeopardy x Defining Love

-

You know... I have become a cynic. I don't believe that love is all or nothing anymore. I used to believe that it was. But my heart has been broken once and I don't want to go through that hell again. Love is not all or nothing for me. Because love, love is never selfish. I've always wished for the kind of love that will always spare something for oneself. Love that will spare a little for one's own happiness. The love that will not demand for too much and the love that will make you feel at ease. Love is not supposed to stress you out constantly. It will worry you,  yes, but it will never make you question your worth. Now, tell me. What kind of love do you want?

I used to love fairytales. So much that I get a little too shallow at times. I just don't know why but I stopped believing in it now. I have turned into a realist and it sucks because sometimes it just becomes a blurry line between being realism and cynicism.

I hope you realize that I was only trying to do the right thing considering the circumstances, the situation, our dispositions and our could-have-been future. But I guess doing the right thing has a high price to pay. And so is honesty.
I wanted to believe that everything would fall into place. Even if it means risking our present relationship, I would always opt to do the right thing because I was only concerned about your - no, our - future (which is now a very vague picture, by the way).

I do not regret anything that has happened. But I acknowledge where we went wrong. I was playing safe and you were trying too hard. We were not able to balance it out. This is why we crashed. For the past months, it's been a cycle of lies, alibis, false hope and strong statements. All of which we cannot take back or back up. Look where it got us. It clearly jeopardized every memory that we made. Worse, all of it are now bound to oblivion.

What is this kind of set up trying to teach us? What was all of it for?
If you are going to hate me because I did what I think is right, then so be it. I was very adamant about my decisions and I will stand by it to the very end.
I did what I did because I was only looking after you. Sadly, we weren't at the same page and wavelength. So here we are, back to being strangers again.

Photo Credits: After Movie

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hardin's Letter to Tessa

-
Image
I guess this is my favorite chapter in Anna Todd's After series. It was genuine and heartfelt. Hardin has always had this taciturn personality. But in this letter, he tried so hard to express his feelings to Tessa by baring his heart and soul. Every single word is piercing. If there is anything I have learned from this letter, it is that if you truly love someone, you will have a brave heart to embrace and admit your flaws, no matter how fucked up it is. It is because  you trust your loved ones that they will accept you for who you are, heart and soul. Because that's what love is - not superficial but deep and meaningful. After We Collided, Chapter 43 Tess,             Since I’m not good with words when trying to relate my inner life, I may have stolen some from Mr. Darcy, whom you fancy so much. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes which, for the hap...
Read more

When the shy girl took up Communication Arts for college

-
Hi. I'm seventeen and I'm on my second year in college. Back then, I was known to be a really really really shy girl. So reserved. So 'unapproachable'-looking. So scary. I am fully aware of that fact although I try to deny it sometimes. During my grade school, my teachers would tell my grandma, "Oh yes, she's really bright but she's too shy. She doesn't even try to recite and talk." Yep! I do that. Not bragging but I've been a constant honor student since I was a kid (no, not the valedictorian). But I excel in the written parts of the academe. NO TO SPEAKING. My teachers would always say that I could actually beat *insert name here* if I do a lot of talking but heck, that's a big no no. I have no clue why am I like this. It's not that I don't talk at all. I do. I really do talk. I can be a real nagger sometimes and a story machine to my friends, the closest ones (I only have few then, anyway).The are few reasons why I don't reci...
Read more

122 Days: Mama, I don’t want my pain to go away

-
Image
- Your Melrae Shanice ♥ Early morning of March 20, 2021, I got a call that changed my life forever. “Anak, kailangan mo na umuwi. Wala na si Mama,” my mother said over the phone. My grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep that day. For a good second, I was speechless. At the back of my mind, I was still trying to figure out if it was a dream. The only thing I was able to utter was, "Mommy, ayaw ko. Ayaw ko. Ayaw ko." I didn't want that day to happen. But it came. I didn't want to come home, only to see my dearest Mama gone. Imagine the horror of waking up one day and the first thing you hear is the news of a loved one passing away. An overwhelming pain filled my heart. I felt my body turn numb and I just cried my eyes out. I wished it wasn’t real. Just like everyone else, I wished it was just a bad dream. A few years back, I shared about the changes I had to face when Mama Onsay suffered stroke. This time, I am writing this because my life trul...
Read more