Posts

The House With No Windows

-
Image
Here's a horror story. There was a man who lived in a house with no windows. No one remembered when the house had been built. Its walls thick with things no one dared to name. Others believed the house had grown around him, brick by brick, each wall rising from a lie he had told himself until there was no longer a way to distinguish the man from the place that kept him. His name was Garnet. He believed that if a thing had no name, it could not be held against him. He was careful with words. He knew how to leave a sentence unfinished, how to turn a question into silence, how to make a promise sound like a possibility and a possibility sound like a promise. He understood that a truth, when left in the dark long enough, might begin to resemble a ghost. And ghosts, unlike living things, could be denied. Whenever something stirred behind the walls, whenever a floorboard creaked beneath the weight of an unanswered question, he would say the same thing. “Don't think about it.” And so ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Will you still be with me when the magic's all run out?

-
Image
Anyone who knows me knows that my heart belongs to Disney. If Filipinos proudly say, "Pinalaki ako ng SexBomb," then I can safely say Disney raised me right alongside them.  Give me a High School Musical track, and I won’t just sing every single lyric by heart, I’ll name the exact movie installment and scene in a heartbeat.  Play Camp Rock, and I’ll drop right into that iconic knee thing, no matter how embarrassing it looks to everyone else.  And don't even get me started on the Jonas Brothers, just look away, because the nostalgia is real.  Throughout my childhood, high school, and let's be honest, well into my college years, I downloaded every single Disney Channel Original Movie I could get my hands on. I’m blabbing, but I just really want you to understand the pure and unfiltered Disney kid inside me.  (Visiting Disneyland is a dream come true for someone like me!) Right now, I’m sitting at my desk, trying to get things done, when a familiar song plays thro...
Post a Comment
Read more

751

-
Image
No longer the wind, but the salt of tears  tells what will never be. The face you’ll never see again stays buried in a dream untold.
Post a Comment
Read more

11 years ago.

-
Image
I was reminded of my Lola today. 11 years ago today, I left for college. I still remember hugging my Lola while she was washing the dishes, and she said, sobbingly, “Unalis ka la. Mancollege ka la.” (Aww, I miss your voice, Mama!) My university was only a few hours away from home, but it felt like such a big thing for both of us. For the first time since I was a kid, we wouldn’t be seeing each other every day. We wouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed. We wouldn’t be having our meals together. And my Mama didn’t even have a phone back then. Video calls weren’t really a thing yet. I remember thinking hala, OA kami, ang lapit lang naman. I went home the first weekend after I left for college. And most of the weekends after that. Haha! “Unalis ka la” was such a simple phrase. I don’t think any of us knew how much it would mean to me years later. Because eventually, the time came, there was no Mama waiting for me when I come home. I never got to fully share this, but in March this year, I h...
Post a Comment
Read more

712

-
Image
It was right to count the days, for they were always numbered. I kept the tallies close  so nothing was forgotten. It was wrong to count the days,  for that was just the beginning. I watched the balance drain  of things I cannot reclaim. The words used to match the actions. Until rare are the words, sparse are the deeds Until the pattern broke Then silence became louder The system was flawless, bravo! Calculated without fear, unapologetic. I'm speechless with the craft. So I count the days from here.  I have derived my own equation.  Not a calculation, perhaps, a retribution.
Post a Comment
Read more

Forest Blakk, did you just describe me?

-
Image
I have this habit of playing music while I work. Then, a Forest Blakk song called "If You Love Her" started playing in the background. I've heard this song more times than I can count. It's even on my Spotify playlist. But every single time I hear it, it tugs at my heartstrings. Right to the core. It's as if Forest Blakk wrote it about me, and every time it comes on, I swear I could just cry. Kidding. The song goes like this: "She always has trouble falling asleep And she likes to cuddle while under the sheets She loves Pop songs and dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things" Oh, that is so me. Trouble falling asleep? Check. Cuddling? Maybe. Pop songs? Absolutely. Dancing? Only when no one's watching. And bad trash TV? Guilty. I'll watch it all, no matter how ridiculous or predictable the plot gets. "She loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting A good compliment She loves her whole fam...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Changes are painful"

-
Image
  Before anything, I have to make it clear that I am not going through a breakup. Let’s just say I’m in my Olivia Rodrigo era because I “seem pretty sad for a girl so in love.” Hahaha! I had a conversation with my cousin one night. She told me, “Changes are painful ano?” I’ve already come to terms with the fact that change is inevitable. I’ve experienced it so many times, in all ways you can imagine. But some changes, despite how prepared you think you are, will still slap you in the face and remind you that nothing stays the same no matter how much you want it to. There are things you thought would be permanent just because they’ve been there your whole life. The bond, the connection, the memories, regardless of depth, can change in a blink of an eye. And that is something we must all learn to accept and is exactly the first step to moving forward: acceptance. Acceptance of the things you have no control over. Acceptance of the reality you tried so hard not to face. Acceptance of ...
Post a Comment
Read more