Mama.

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To the love of my life,

It's the start of another year and my heart is so grateful that I am still with you.
Things have changed, that is undeniable.
But what more could I ask for?
This is what I have been constantly praying for —
To be with you. More time with you.

For the new year, I am thanking God that I get to spend my holidays with you. I only have a few days left before my life in that noisy city continues and I chose to spend it with you .

Our set up is difficult. Real difficult. I feel as though I am a stranger in my own home. It feels different. Where's that place I've grown up in? Where's that place where we made so many memories together?

I don't know where to stand, where to fit in. I don't know what happened. This is just different, so different.

I can't help but feel sorry. I am sorry we had to go through this. I am sorry that it seems like it is unresolvable. I am sorry it turned out like this.

I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss my old life.

I am writing this again as I watch you sleep and I can't help but feel emotional.

How many more nights do I get to see you? How many more nights do I get to hold your hand?
How many more nights do I get to kiss you good night?
How many more nights do I get to sleep beside you?
How many more nights do I get to tell you how much I love you?

How much time do we have left together?

It's the new year. I am very happy you are here. But every new year, I am growing more and more scared. Scared of the idea that one day, there will be a new year without you.

I just want you to know that it is you I love the most. No matter how scared I am, no matter how lonely it gets, no matter how things change, I will come home to you.

You mean the world to me. I love you.

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