Tell Me: Are You Happy?

"You broke my heart but I won't falter."

Welcome to this post. Thanks for viewing my blog. I can track the viewing stat, so, hi.  I SEE YOU. 🤗

Someone close to me is deeply pained and it's difficult to witness that.
This will serve as a note to myself.

I have kept this for so long but I am telling you this now. I know that you have reasons. You have an endless list of defenses. You would try to justify your actions or even try to convince people that you are not to blame. But know that when things do not work out in the end, it is not only one person's fault. So, I just pray that you do not view yourself impeccable. I have nothing but respect for you. You may have done the crappiest thing but I have every bit of respect for you that you deserve. You deserve to be happy and I hope you are. I just wish that in the future, whoever you end up with, you wouldn't have to live with the guilt of sacrificing good things in exchange for a whimsical decision you made.

I understand that you have dreams and fantasies. You have ideals just like what you read in books and what you see in movies. But I hope you realize that life isn't a freaking novel and life isn't like the movies at all. Living in your fantasies, you are putting so much at stake. At the end of the day. you'll probably just get disappointed. You cannot force everything to turn into a fairytale. You had your reality yet you played a make-believe. Not only did you give up on what you already have but you gave up on the future you could have had. For what? Tell me. In exchange for what? I cannot even think about it. It's just plainly unbelievable.

I just have one request. Please never again make fun of someone else's heartbreak. Most especially if you have caused it. If there is still a tinge of social etiquette left in you, then you should not deny your fault. You know what you have done and you should have exhausted all viable ways to fix it. But you let your emotions go way beyond your head instead. When things did not go the way you wanted them to be and change inevitably hit you, you went running the other way. Do not tell me you were PUSHED AWAY. You were loved but you weren't content. You were loved but you looked for more. It is you who PULLED AWAY. Nobody pushed you away. Nobody did. So, stop trying to weigh who is at fault and finding reassurance. Because really, it just won't matter.

Life will give you a rough road and you will face a stage where everything will just be easier said than done but it does not make cheating in any form or making a fool out of anyone tolerable. Maybe you have grown tired of trying. Maybe you just fell out of love. But you do realize that people have shortcomings, right? We all deserve to be forgiven and be given chances. You of all people know that. You shouldn't have said you'd give it a chance when you didn't have the intention to do so anyway.  It just adds up to the millions of bullshit in this world. You already have decided from the very beginning and you were just waiting for a trigger to shoot. Well, congratulations, the target was shot down. Are you happy?

Let bygones be bygones. But you must remember that the mistakes of the past that hurt you before should never and will never give you the right to hurt other people now. You can have the freedom you want but take responsibility for your damn actions. It may seem as if you made the right choice. It may seem as if you are happy. But IF MY HAPPINESS IS THE CAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S UNHAPPINESS, THEN I WOULD RATHER LIVE A LONELY LIFE. Do not tell me you didn't have a freaking choice. Save your explanations. It won't matter now because we both know you did have a choice and I just hope you made the right one.

I know how you're scared of people judging you. You fear that they will see you as a villain of this story. At least in the version you think we know.  But you have written your own story, haven't you? In your own story, you are the lead who's trying to make a difference, defying the universe, to fulfill your fantasies. Tell me, are you happy? Are you? Did your book-like dreams make you happy? Because all I see now is loss. You have lost trust, faith, and love. There's nothing left I could give you but my respect. You wouldn't want to lose that too.

You could go and play that "you-and-me-against-the-world" game now. Maybe you got tired from playing it before. But since you chose to start a new game, I hope you win this time.

Forgiveness. Let's talk about forgiveness. Ha. Are you even sorry? I do not need to forgive you. Because I am not mad at you. I don't know how to feel about you anymore. If you need to beg for forgiveness, it is not mine or other's you have to seek. Forgive yourself. That's what you really need. Do not thank me either. I did not do you a favor.

Understanding? You probably think I wouldn't understand. YOU DON'T SAY. Say that to my face if you have pulled all your crap together. I am pretty sure you are worried about saving face now. Why would you be worried in the first place if you haven't done anything wrong? There's no way you could take back what you have said or done. So much damage has been done and restoration would be a challenge. You should have thought about that before. Best luck. Bless your heart.

Who am I to tell you this? Who am I? I'm just a nobody. A nobody who cares for the people I love. Did I sound harsh and mean? I'm sorry you felt that way but I would do anything to protect the people I love.

I should probably thank you. Thank you for making me more cynical than I already am. Thanks a lot.


(Photo: After Movie)