To you I have waited for, this is my goodbye

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I could not believe that after years and years of waiting, I finally feel fine with the idea of not being with you. God knows how much I wanted to be with you. I was so sure that you were the one who would make me happy. I WAS. But I realized that I was just trying to force the idea of us being together.
                I have defied the universe to wait for you. I thought I could endure it. I have told myself millions of reasons to justify why we should be together. But you know what? We are not just meant to be. From the very beginning, we weren’t. I will take the blame for this. I was just too blind, I guess? Now, it has taken its toll on me. So here I am, finally seeing myself in a different light. I believe it is true – that nobody can wait forever. Oh God, do you have any idea how much I have fought against time? I mean, who am I? Who am I to do that? A girl blindly in love can never fight against time. I am the living proof of that.
                I feel sorry for the people whom I turned my back from because I was so absorbed on finding ways to get closer to you. I feel sorry for myself for pushing my feelings beyond the limit. I feel sorry for you because I have always felt like I have burdened you with my pointless feelings. But most of all, I feel sorry for the man I will love in the future. He would have to deal with a pitiful girl like me – who plays make-believes. A girl like me who tried to move on when she did not even come from a breakup. I want to make sure that when the perfect guy comes into my life, I would not make him pay the price of something you owe.
                My decision to let you go is a difficult decision for me. It is difficult but it is the most fulfilling and relieving feeling ever. Not only was I letting go of something that has been a heavy cargo but I was also setting myself free from the chains that I have bound myself with.
                I said that I would take the blame. You know why? It is because I am certain that you would never ever take responsibility for breaking my heart. Why would you do that anyway? Who told me to wait? Who told me to do such a stupid thing? No one. But just like everyone else, I am human and to err is human. But let me ask you one thing: Why didn’t you say anything? You were completely aware of how I felt but you chose to push me away and ignore me. You could have told me to stop so at the very least, I would know. You kept me hanging. I held on because I wanted to hear you say something. How hard could that be?
I guess, it was my fault after all. It was my decision and I would take responsibility for it. My feelings would always be mine. So now… let me just tell you this. Listen to me, please.  
I liked you. I missed you. I waited for you. I hated you. It is all in the past because now, I am letting you go.
Perhaps it is another stupid decision. But who knows? I am doing this for myself. I am doing this because I wanted to be happy. I am trying to be happy and I don’t think you can make me happy anymore. This time, I do not have millions of reasons to justify my decision because my happiness is enough to suffice everything.

I am saying goodbye but I am not closing the doors. You have been a part of my life and you will always be. This is goodbye, a good goodbye. 

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