It's Nice talking

347 What else is there to do? 347, side, hide, glide Blinded by what is true To keep it in, I have tried Damn me, I played with fire My veins start to freeze in ice Melting in whim and ire Oh, through more seconds of lies To know more than one should Blame that silly, messy mind Pierce that weak soul, how shrewd Cast the fragile one behind Ran out of words to say Memorize these lips, this smile Story's fin on its way One page flipped as both beguile

Sometimes, in solitude, I read my previous journals (which all contain my unread letters for my Lola) just so I know if things have gotten worse or better. I read this particular entry, and looking back, things actually turned out fine. "Dear Mama, How long has it been since I last wrote to you? Ma, things are changing. Really fast. I don't even know if I'm making the right decisions anymore but I'm trying to stand my ground no matter how difficult it gets. Last year was truly challenging. It was a test of patience and integrity. And as usual, I had the urge to run away again, like I always do. Please tell me I'm still a good person. The perfect little girl you raised. I miss you. I really do. Tomorrow it's gonna be a new day. I'll be a student again. I hope I'll still do well. It's been such a long time and I feel lazy to study now. Hehe. Continue inspiring me and guiding me. I really need it now more than ever. I want to be stronger t...

I found this from my drafts. December 2022. These days, I'm constantly reminded of how easily people can put you aside for their own advantage. It really bugs me when I start thinking about it. It makes me believe I'm better off alone. Sure, having a friend who has your back would be nice, but it’s only a matter of time before you realize you're at the bottom of their list—not as special as you thought. You put others first, but when you need them the most, they can easily say no, reject you, and move on without a second thought. It’s easy for them to leave you unread, unreplied, and forgotten. Doesn’t feel good, does it? I guess this is something I need to learn: put myself first and accept being left out. It sucks, though, when you think you have that one person who’ll always understand, only to realize you're just anyone else to them. It’s hurtful and disappointing. What should I do? I have no idea. They’ll say it’s not their job to make you feel seen and v...